


Mama and Papa

by CatherineBuntaichou



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Character's Name Spelled as Hanji, Eruhan, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-11 23:20:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4456394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatherineBuntaichou/pseuds/CatherineBuntaichou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The reality of the situation is unavoidable.  Nothing can change with things as they are.  Without sacrifices, nothing can be gained. <br/>These are the truths the members of the Survey Corps must live by, even their Commander, Erwin Smith.<br/>But what's the harm in a joke or two?  What's wrong with pretending when you know you'll never have it anyway?<br/>For Hanji, that's the way to cope--to face it head-on and smile as much as you can.  <br/>After all, the world is cruel, but beautiful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Joke

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea what I am doing???
> 
> Anyway, I'll update this bit by bit...   
> Please let me know if you'd like to see more of EruHan...
> 
> But even if you don't, you'll see them anyway because I can't stop, won't stop...
> 
> Thank you, and enjoy ~

“You two are fighting like a married couple.”

Levi had been the one to say it. The statement made Erwin's pencil stop abruptly on the page, and it drove Hanji and several others to burst out into a laughing fit.

“BAHAHAHA! Levi!!” Hanji shrieked, slapping her hand onto the wooden table in the conference room over and over. 

“What?” Levi grunted, arms folded across his chest. 

“Did you even hear what you suggested?” Nanaba asked, chuckling as she placed her chin in one hand. “As if anyone in this regiment has time for that.”

“Erwin, did you start dinner already?” Hanji teased, playing along with the notion. Her eyes were bright; she was obviously having a great time. “I mended your socks this morning--but did I get a word of thanks from you?”

“I would genuinely love to see you try to sew,” Mike murmured, a sly smile just visible beneath his large nose and mustache. 

Hanji whirled toward their friend, leaning forward in her chair. 

“Are you saying you think I can't?!” she gasped. Her gaze snapped back to Erwin. “Erwin, tell him who mended the hem on the sleeve of your shirt last week! Go on, tell them all.”

“...It was Hanji.”

“You see there? I'm a capable housewife.”

“Enough already, we get it,” Henning sighed. “Besides, what does Levi know about marriage, anyway?”

Levi's only reply was an icy stare at Henning, who sat back in his chair with a smug smile.

“Thank you, Henning,” Erwin said calmly, tapping his pencil on his meeting notes. “Let's finish up with this meeting, shall we? ...Before the dinner I slaved over gets cold.”

\---------

Hanji had always been grateful that she and Erwin lived on the same floor--it meant that they walked back from everything together, whether that was a meeting, dinner, or coming back from an expedition. Tonight, though, it felt different. The whole atmosphere had shifted.

“Thanks for dinner, sweetie,” Hanji joked, playfully elbowing Erwin in the side. The blond let out a quiet laugh. “I can tell you really slaved over it.”

“Well, I'm glad you appreciate it, then,” Erwin returned. “It took me a grand total of zero hours and zero minutes to put it all together.”

“I'd love to see what you could do with one hour, then.”

To Hanji's surprise, Erwin grimaced. 

“...You know I can't cook, right?”

“Is this like how I can't sew?”

Erwin chuckled, holding up his hand to display the crooked stitches from Hanji's handiwork. 

“Even worse.” At Erwin's response, Hanji let out a loud gasp. “Don't give me that. Just because I'm a Commander doesn't mean I'm good at everything.”

“No, I already knew that.” Hanji gave Erwin a sad smile. “You're terrible at expressing your feelings, for starters.”

Hanji was not entirely sure what had prompted her to say that, but she knew she had hit the nail on the head when she saw Erwin's expression grow dark. 

“You have something to say to me, right?” she asked.

“...We should stop joking around about this,” Erwin replied at last. 

“Eh? Why?” Hanji shrugged. “It shouldn't be a big deal, right? We're not married--we're never going to be married, right?”

“...No. We won't.” Erwin paused, his blue eyes staring straight ahead as they slowly walked down the hallway. “It's just like Nanaba said--nobody in the Corps has time for that.”

“Then it shouldn't matter. We can joke about whatever we want.”


	2. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hating someone is not all that hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Eruhan Month!
> 
> I'm hoping to finish this whole thing up by the end of the month. I'm over halfway done writing it as of right now, but I'm going to be super busy here soon, so we'll see...!
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading!

Erwin had tried to stop Hanji, and he had tried to stop the jokes, but both were forces to be reckoned with, especially the former. She was as unshakable as a mountain, and she seemed almost insistent on continuing this particular trope of humor.

 

 _This has been going on for weeks now_ , Erwin realized one morning as he washed his face. ... _I can't stand it anymore_.

 

It wasn't that the jokes made Erwin angry, or that he thought they were inappropriate. They were just a constant reminder of what he would never be able to have.

 

_This is like torture._

 

Erwin found Hanji waiting for him in the conference room. She was always the first one there, just like how Mike was always the last. It was the only predictable thing about her.

 

“Good morning!” she greeted him with a cheerful smile. “…You look upset. Did something happen?”

 

“…We’ve got to stop this,” Erwin said quietly. Hanji’s face fell immediately. He knew she understood what he was talking about. “It’s been going on for weeks, and even if the others think it’s funny, it’s…”

 

“It’s what, Erwin?” Hanji’s gaze became cold for a moment. “It’s too hard to deal with, because it’s never going to happen? You don’t like to think about it, because you can never have it? …Well, I’m different.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Erwin, you’re not wrong—it’s probably never going to happen. But, it’s just…for me, being able to joke about it is enough. It might be as close as we ever get to the real thing.”

 

Erwin stared at Hanji; the coldness had disappeared from her eyes, and she was not being so defensive anymore. She was being honest, he could tell, and he understood what she was saying and why. But for him…he could not bring himself to think like that. Pretending that nothing was wrong, being satisfied with disillusionment… It had nothing to do with him being a Commander—he just could not allow his mind to get too attached to what would always be a pipe dream.

 

“Hanji, please,” he murmured. “Just _stop_.”

 

“Why should I?” she snapped. “Why am _I_ the one who has to change? This hurts me too, okay?!”

 

“Hanji…”

 

“Fine, whatever! I don’t care anymore.” Running a hand through her greasy bangs, Hanji huffed a sigh. “You’re always right in the end, anyway. I’ll never be like you.”

 

Giving the chair closest to her a sharp kick, Hanji stormed out of the room without another word. Her notebook and pencil remained on the conference table, opened to a blank page. With a quiet sigh through his nose, Erwin gently closed the notebook and tucked it away with his own things. He knew he would see her later—Hanji never stayed mad for too long.

 

 

Hanji knew who was knocking on her door that night. She had left her notebook behind in the conference room and had been paying for it all day with ceaseless boredom.

 

 _That’s the last time I try to organize my notes_ , she told herself.

 

She didn’t bother answering the door—she knew Erwin would let himself in eventually. He always did. So predictable, so stable. Always stalwart and unbreakable—or at least, that was how he managed to present himself. But Hanji could never put on that façade.

 

As expected, Hanji could see Erwin slowly open the door to her room. She didn’t move an inch. Sprawled out on her bed, her nose was buried into a book she had read dozens of times; the familiarity always made her feel better, for some reason.

 

“…You forgot this,” Erwin told her, holding up her notebook. She glanced up at him, peering over the top of her glasses. He was nothing more than a blur.

 

_You’re so calm. So calculative. So fucking structured. How can you live like that?_

 

“I know,” she muttered, looking back down through her glasses at her book. The pages, too, were nothing more than a blur.

 

Slowly, Erwin shut the door behind him and sat down in Hanji’s desk chair.

 

“Do you hate me?” he asked her suddenly.

 

“I wish,” she replied. She blinked, then felt warm little streams of wet upon her cheeks.

 

“Well, me too. I wish I could hate you, too.” Erwin let out a laugh. “But I don’t. I can’t. I’m…not mad at you at all.”

 

“I’m mad at you, though.”

 

“Are you?”

 

“Yeah.” Hanji slammed her book shut, staring straight ahead. “Stop acting like nothing’s wrong.”

 

“Hanji…I can’t stop you from pretending to be satisfied by this ongoing illusion you might have, but…” Erwin’s voice trailed off.

 

“But _what_?”

 

“…If you keep this up, you’re only going to hurt yourself in the end.” Hanji could feel Erwin’s eyes on her. “There’s no guarantee that I’ll be around forever.”

 

“Exactly.” Again, Hanji looked up at Erwin over the top of her glasses. He looked like a blurred ghost, as if he might disappear at any moment. “That’s my point, Erwin. We’re not going to get what we want in the end, so we might as well make the best of what we have now.”

 

“Hanji…”

 

“Really, I…wish I could hate you…” Feeling utterly defeated, Hanji slowly laid her face onto her bed, tossing aside her book. She heard it thump to the floor as she grabbed at her hair, willing herself not to cry anymore. It proved to be a useless effort—soon she felt the bed shift as Erwin sat next to her, felt a hand pull untangle one of her own from her oily locks.

 

“I’m glad that you don’t,” Erwin murmured, his lips pressing against the back of her hand.

 


	3. Selfish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today, or tomorrow--it doesn't matter anymore.  
> Being together is enough. Or at least, it used to be.

Erwin had promised himself years ago that he wouldn’t let himself be swayed by fleeting desires, no matter how tempting it was to detach himself. He had told himself hundreds of times that, despite the suffering he would undergo, reaching his end goal would bring him the happiness he had been searching for his whole life. By saving humanity from the Titans—and from itself—he too would find inner peace.

 

His days as a trainee had been the most trying. He had been faced with so many temptations, and there was one that he had given in to several times before finally cutting himself off. After that, he had done well to resist the lure for many years before finally breaking down once again.

 

Erwin knew that Hanji probably understood exactly what he was feeling—she too was dedicated to her research and was willing to sacrifice almost anything to get what she wanted. But it seemed that even she had a vice.

 

“It doesn’t even feel like it’s been that long since we were last together like this,” Hanji admitted, her arms slung around Erwin’s shoulders loosely, obviously more comfortable with him than other people. “How many years has it been? Four, five…”

 

“Four or five,” Erwin replied, and Hanji sighed through her nose. “Your hair was shorter then.”

 

“Probably dirtier, too.”

 

“Not really.”

 

Hanji let out a laugh, then roughly ran a hand through Erwin’s hair.

 

“Says the man who now styles his hair more meticulously than ever,” she teased. “Do you hate me for messing it up like this? It probably took you an hour, right?”

 

“Not _that_ long.”

 

“Yeah, and I guess you have less of it now, too.”

 

As Hanji again let out a cackle, Erwin moved one hand from her waist to the back of her neck, his fingers tangling in her hair. He pulled her head closer, and the moment their lips met, his hand again wandered down to her waist, his thumb digging into her tanned skin.

 

“…So I guess I should say mean things to you more often,” Hanji mumbled as she pulled away from him. “I mean, if _that’s_ how you’re going to react.”

 

“That was…a special case,” Erwin told her quietly. “I can’t— _we_ can’t do this all the time.”

 

“Says who?”

 

“Says me.”

 

Erwin watched as Hanji’s face fell, and he felt his chest tighten as he looked away from her. The disappointed expression was all too similar to the same one she had worn years ago, when he had tried to stop all of this from happening again. Now, years later, they were reopening the same wounds, and it was more than likely that the cycle would just keep repeating.

 

“Then why did you agree to this now?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

 

“…I don’t know. I guess I just…”

 

Was he supposed to just say it? If he put these thoughts into words, wouldn’t it just make things more difficult, more painful? He did not want to hurt himself, but he did not want to hurt her.

 

“Don’t answer that question,” Hanji then said quickly. “I don’t want to hear any excuses or lies. I have you here now. I won’t complain.”

 

* * *

 

 

But, there was a part of Hanji that still felt ungrateful.

 

There was still a part of her that felt angry at the world for giving them these circumstances. It wasn’t like she was asking for much. Why did things have to be so difficult for them?

 

Hanji knew that there were not many people in the world who accepted her—she had a small circle of people she would consider as true friends. And it just so happened that all of them were at risk to die any day now, maybe even without her knowing.

 

So why was it so hard to be with Erwin? The idea of not having enough time made her nervous, and it should have served as motivation to do whatever she could to change things.

 

It felt selfish. That was why.

 

It felt selfish because Hanji _knew_ that, despite obviously reciprocating any feelings she had, Erwin had a greater purpose than to be with her. And if she was honest with herself, she knew that she was the same way.

 

Still, these wordless gestures, the way his arms wrapped around her, the way their bodies seemed to fit together like they were _made_ for each other—she could not help but get caught up in it, in _him_.

 

Burying her face into the crook of Erwin’s neck, Hanji took a deep breath, closing her eyes. One arm still wrapped around him, she pulled off her glasses and flung them aside. She could feel his hands steadying her hips; his grip was familiar, but it seemed gentler than back when they were in training. Back then, they hadn’t had any reason for restraint. Things were fun, and the future seemed a hell of a lot brighter. They could make jokes about things without hurting each other so much.

 

That was, of course, before they had gotten attached to each other.

 

Somewhere along the way, they had hit the point of no return, and now they would never be able to really get rid of these feelings. They had become so embedded in each other’s lives that the thought of the other leaving was terrifying.

 

Hanji was more than aware of the risks they took every day, be it out on the field or within the walls. But in the meantime, she had let herself become susceptible to the complacency of the all-too dangerous “this is enough” way of thought--all as a way to cope with the inevitable parting she would one day have to make with this man.

 

Erwin Smith would destroy her before any Titan could.

 

She could feel his hot breath in her ear, his smooth skin beneath her trembling fingertips. He didn't have any scars, really--he had never let himself have any. She envied that about him.

 

Hanji pulled her body closer to his, arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders now. Before, when they were younger and when things hurt less, this would have been so much more playful, so much more casual. Back then, they didn't love each other, they were literally just fucking around.

 

But now, it had gone beyond being friends with benefits, beyond the late night drinking and early morning talks in their dorm rooms, beyond the sex in the horse stables and the dining hall and their beds and their friends' beds. They were connected now, physically, emotionally. They _needed_ each other now.

 

Gritting her teeth as Erwin's thrusts grew stronger, Hanji squeezed her eyes shut, her fingernails digging into his back. This physical satisfaction was the closest they would ever be able to be. She knew that in the back of her head, but she still hoped.

 

“...Erwin...” she breathed, a few tears finally falling from her eyes. She felt as if her heart would burst, along with her throbbing head.

 

Rigidness, a sudden warmth--a satisfied moan escaped her throat before she could stop herself. As her back tensed, she again gripped his skin, trying to steady her erratic breathing.

 

To her surprise, Erwin wrapped his arms around her tightly--the gesture was unlike him, and Hanji braced herself for the worst.

 

“...I'd marry you if I could.”

 

Hanji could not find the right words for a calm, collected response; instead, she burst into tears, once again burying her face into his neck, as if to stifle the sobs. His arms pulled her closer, his cheek resting against her head. They were so close, but this was the limit. Hanji was all too aware of it.

 


	4. Change

Changes always came to Erwin’s life so suddenly, as if to remind him that he would never get used to anything, that he would never be able to root himself down in anything. He had to force himself to stay aloof as much as possible, even if it cost him something precious.

 

Losing Levi as an active soldier, even temporarily, came as a hit to his confidence. Losing Nanaba, Henning, and many other veterans came as an unpleasant shock. Losing Mike, his long-time friend, was painful.

 

So, Erwin’s relief when he saw that Hanji had survived the massive explosion on Wall Rose was impossible to express in words. She was bruised and looked like a wreck, but she was alive and was going to make it through this, and that was all that mattered for now.

 

As Hanji croaked out instructions on where to find the Titan shifters, Erwin stared down at the Squad Leader, his heart sinking to his stomach. She was trying just as hard as he was to act like everything was all right, that they could still win this fight, that living a life of continuous sacrifice was okay with her.

 

But Erwin knew better. He knew how much Hanji hated losing. Even now, as physically beaten down as she was, she was still struggling and fighting with everything that she could to keep going, to keep _him_ going. They both had been working hard to convince themselves that they had nothing to lose.

 

After all, they would never have a future together.

 

Erwin was more than aware of how impossible it was for him to turn back and choose a peaceful life instead. And, at this point, even if they were to succeed, even if humanity could find peace again, even if he could retire and leave the military life behind, things would still not be like he wanted.

 

Hanji was dedicated to her work—he understood that and appreciated it, and also admired her very much for it. He also knew that, if she was to quit doing research and settle down, she would get bored so easily. She always needed something to do, like a restless child. Living life as a housewife would never work for her, not only because she was completely uninterested in the provincial life of the domestic woman, but also because she would never have anyone but Erwin and herself to occupy her time.

 

No matter how much he wished for it, he would never be able to have a family with her.

 

At first, it hadn’t mattered—they were just messing around, anyway, and it was actually kind of convenient, not having to worry about any kind of accidents during their trainee days. There were no strings attached, just how they had wanted it back then.

 

But at some point along the way, Erwin had started to care. It wasn’t that he hated her for her—there was no contempt in this whatsoever. He just felt longing, a feeling that haunted him most often on nights when she was not there, and on days when things got too quiet.

 

As he looked down into Hanji’s tired eyes, though, he could feel that same longing welling up in him again. He wanted to be able to hold her at least one more time before going outside the walls, because he knew there was no guarantee he would come back alive. After all, Mike hadn’t made it either, and Erwin would be going without Levi and Hanji for the first time in years. He had been thinking about how Hanji was going to make it through this alive, but he had not yet come to terms with the idea that _he_ might _not_.

 

The realization hit him hard--he was afraid. He was scared to not have her with him. Not only was she a vital part of the Survey Corps and his source of back-up plans, but he _needed_ her presence. Despite the circumstances, he _had_ gotten attached.

 

“...Take care of Hanji,” Erwin muttered to a nearby Garrison soldier. The young man stammered a reply, then rushed over to the Squad Leader, whose eyes were closed once again. There was just no getting around it--Erwin would have to go at this alone.

* * *

“...Seems like our lives just got a hell of a lot more complicated.”

 

Hanji lifted her head at the sound of Levi's voice. He was standing beside her chair, staring down at her hands; they were intertwined with Erwin's remaining one, and she wasn't planning on letting go anytime soon.

 

“I assume you heard what happened?” Levi then asked, crossing his arms. Hanji lowered her gaze back to Erwin's sleeping face. “...Don't tell me you're gonna blame yourself for this?”

 

“I gave the orders,” Hanji told him. “I should have thought more about what I was saying. ...Now what do we do...?”

 

“We keep moving forward, like always,” Levi replied. Hanji narrowed her eyes; that was not really what she had been asking, nor had she really been asking Levi. She already knew that much, after all.

 

No, she had been asking herself what they should do, what she should do for Erwin, now that he was in this state. The doctors had reassured her that he would make it, that his body was just trying to recover, but what if he never woke up again? What if this was how it ended? She would never be able to forgive herself.

 

 _I was never able to give you what you wanted_ , she thought, her grip on his hand tightening. _Even if you make it this time, that doesn’t change anything…_

 

“Hanji, you can mope all you want, but it won’t change anything,” Levi said, crouching down next to her, resting his forearms on Erwin’s bed. “You of all people should know by now that this guy does whatever the hell he wants. He’ll do whatever it takes to get shit done. It’s annoying, but I admire him for it. You’re the same, right? …If so, let it go and get some rest. There’s only so much you can do.”

 

“…You’re not wrong,” Hanji murmured. “But…I don’t know, Levi. There’s a lot more to it than that.”

 

“Oh?” Levi let out a quiet laugh through his nose. “So your constant jokes have a lot more depth to them than it seems—is that what you mean, four-eyes?”

 

Hanji could not bring herself to answer. She could feel her ears getting hot, and she clenched her jaw to avoid saying anything stupid.

 

“…I see.”

 

Levi stood upright again, straightening out his jacket and shirt.

 

“…Is that all you’re going to say?” Hanji mumbled.

 

“Yeah. It’s none of my business,” he muttered, heaving a sigh. “I know enough already, anyway.”

 

“Eh?!”

 

“By the way Erwin looks at you. You’re both shitty at hiding it, to be honest. It’s revolting.”

 

Hanji could not stop a laugh from escaping her throat. It was the first time she had smiled in several days.

 

“Sorry, I guess,” she chuckled.

 

“You should be. But it does motivate me to work harder.”

 

“Oh yeah?”

 

“Yeah.” Levi shrugged, a small smirk crossing his lips. “So that we can end this and you two can go act like the infatuated dumbasses that you are anytime you want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally decided on an ending...  
> (._.);; 
> 
> Why is this ship nothing but pain? Is that why it's got such a small following?  
> I'm beginning to wonder...


	5. Threat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The more you learn about your world, the more you must adapt to it, or change it.  
> Which will it be?  
> Do you move forward and work with it?  
> Or do you swim against the tide?

Titans were once humans.

 

The evidence to support Hanji's theory was undeniable, and it made Erwin's head spin every time he thought about it. There were suddenly so many things that made sense--and now a clear path was opening up ahead of him. It was obvious what they should do.

 

It was obvious what _he_ should do.

 

Erwin knew that he was always more comfortable with having a plan than trying to wing it. He had tried to hone his skills to make sure that he would always be able to come up with the best strategy possible, so as to avoid having to fly by the seat of his pants on a backup plan.

 

However, if he ever needed a backup plan, Hanji was the one to do it for him. As long as they were on the same page, she could turn around and save his ass in whatever way possible. Her quick mind was perfect for that kind of thing, and Erwin was grateful for it. He knew he was going to need that now more than ever.

 

“Levi, you say you've secured Eren and the others, then?” Erwin asked the man. Levi nodded once. “You'll be living with them for the time being, then?”

 

“Unfortunately,” Levi muttered.

 

“...I think this goes without saying, but reclaiming Wall Maria and securing the Jaeger's household has become more important than ever. We have no choice but to move quickly--but we must do so _carefully_. Hanji, you have my permission to begin experiments on Eren Jaeger, if he is compliant.”

 

“Understood,” Hanji said, nodding.

 

“As for Pastor Nick, take him somewhere safe, where no one will question him or try to harm him,” Erwin went on.

 

“What are you gonna do, then?” Levi asked suddenly. “That gross little smile you had on your face earlier tells me that you know something. Is that something we get to know?”

 

“Perhaps, in due time...”

 

Erwin glanced up at Levi, then Hanji, then at Connie Springer, who was gazing at the Commander with large, frightened eyes. The things Erwin knew, the things he could surmise...they were best discussed in private, not in front of one of the new recruits.

 

Levi let out a loud, irritated sigh, sitting back in his chair.

 

“Fine. I know you do whatever the hell you want, anyway,” he grumbled. “I just don't see why _I'm_ the one stuck with the babysitting job.”

 

“Didn't you put yourself into this position?” Hanji laughed.

 

“It wasn't because I wanted to, four eyes. Even _you_ would be more suited to this than me.”

 

“Eh?!”

 

“Don't you think so, too, Connie?” Levi turned to the young man, whose eyes were now even rounder. “Who would you rather have taking care of you? Me, or Hanji? Or what about Erwin?”

 

“Levi, what are you--”

 

“S-Sir, with all due respect, I don't know if I could choose--”

 

“Choose. It's an order.”

 

“W-Well...” Connie was now nervously wringing his hands; for some reason, Erwin felt like doing the same. “If I have to choose...Commander Erwin seems like a very paternal type, Sir. Though Squad Leader Hanji also seems maternal.”

 

“And what am I?”

 

“...An...uncle?”

 

“I rest my case,” Levi declared, once again slamming into the back of his chair. “Don't make me do this alone, Erwin.”

 

“...Hanji?”

 

Hanji let out a deep sigh, then shrugged.

 

“All right, Levi, you win,” she said, her usual good-natured smile crossing her face. “I'll help you.”

 

* * *

 

One of the things that Hanji loved the most about Erwin was his ability to become completely unpredictable. She always loved a good surprise (especially something that she did not have to consciously wait for), and he was very good at turning the tables on her at the last second. She appreciated that intellectual stimulus; being such a naturally curious person, she welcomed it.

 

But it was also one of the things she hated about him.

 

Hanji was not sure what Erwin's motivation was for separating her from him, and from Levi, too. Splitting the three of them up did not seem like a good idea--they balanced one another, and without them, she could not help but feel incomplete.

 

Still, Hanji did not question Erwin. Whatever he was up to, he would surely tell her when he was ready. No matter how much she doubted him, that fact always rang true.

 

After all, he had been right to suggest hiding Pastor Nick.

 

But, their efforts had been in vain.

 

“Squad Leader?! Squad Leader, wake up!!”

 

Hanji slowly pushed herself up out of bed as Moblit continued to frantically shout through her bedroom door. She had been having a good dream for once, and being interrupted was a pain in the ass. Moblit was making quite a fuss--more than usual--so whatever it was, it was probably serious.

 

“What?” Hanji mumbled, forcing her eyes open. Her room was a blur, and she clumsily reached for her glasses.

 

“Squad Leader, please get up!! Pastor Nick is dead!”

 

The moment those words reached her ears, Hanji felt as if the world had turned red. Stained with blood, with sin, with the vile truth of the nature of humankind...and “furious” was not a strong enough word to describe her feelings in that moment.

 

“Squad Leader!?”

 

Grimacing, Hanji slipped on her glasses, then grabbed a pair of pants off the floor.

 

“I'm coming!” she reassured Moblit, throwing on a robe in an attempt to not look completely indecent.

 

 _What do I care about that for?!_ she thought as she burst through her bedroom door. _I'm just wasting time..._

 

“How did they find him!?” Hanji cried as she pulled her other arm through the sleeve of her robe. “What happened?!”

 

“I'm still not sure!” Moblit replied, even more of a nervous wreck than usual. “The Military Police is investigating as we speak!”

 

 _What are we supposed to do now, Erwin?_ Hanji thought, racing down the hallway and following Moblit to Nick's room. _This wasn't part of the plan..._ _Please don't expect me to come up with something on the fly..._!

 

That was how it always happened: Erwin made the plans, and if something went wrong, he turned to Hanji for guidance. She understood that it meant that he trusted her, and she could not help but feel flattered by that thought. Still, it put her in a position that she could never see herself in.

 

Hanji did not consider herself a leader. She was honestly surprised that Erwin had caved in and let her have a squad in the first place. After all, she would have been perfectly content with working on her own, or with a partner. But for whatever reason, Erwin was always pushing her into this role, and no matter how much she tried to resist it, she could never bend his iron will.

 

“Oi!” Hanji shouted as they approached Nick's room. “NICK!”

 

Hanji didn't waste her breathe any further; she could tell by a glance that Moblit had unfortunately spoken the truth. Nick was dead, and gone with him were the secrets of the wall, the Reiss family, and the memories of the citizens here. It was incredible, really--with one man's death, the entire fate of the world had changed.

 

 _How much will be lost when I'm gone...?_ she wondered as a Military Police soldier roughly shoved her away. _How many people will my death affect? Will I die like this, too...?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ughhhh I'm so so sorry for the late upload. I'm getting ready to move so I'm sorry if this is slow...!


	6. Conviction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When one person gives up and dies, another rises to take their place.   
> Such is the way of life.  
> But if it not your time, do not leave us.   
> Stay until the end.

It had taken him years to reach this state of mentality, but finally he was ready.

 

Erwin was ready to die.

 

This was, of course, not to say that he had become a suicidal maniac, and that given the chance, he would throw himself into a hungry hoard of Titans just to meet his own end. That was not the kind of death he wanted, nor did he think that kind of death would really accomplish anything.

 

No, Erwin wanted to make a difference, and with his death, change could happen. The idea of being able to change the world was so satisfying that he was willing to give up anything to accomplish it, including his own life.

 

But there was just no way for Erwin to explain this to anyone—Levi would have immediately protested and threatened him, Nile would have called him crazy, and Hanji would have done her damnedest to talk him out of it.

 

So, he kept silent about his intentions. It was nothing personal; he only wanted to make the best choice for everyone’s future, even if that meant destroying his own.

 

Erwin knew that if he was to die soon, though, that the Survey Corps would be in good hands. Many of the newest recruits were very talented and able to survive even the direst of circumstances. Levi had apparently taken to them, and if they were all going to receive training from the world’s strongest solder, then they would most definitely be able to keep living through the storms to come their way. And, with Hanji as his replacement, Erwin knew that the vision of the Corps would stay focused and on track—despite her attempts to seem flippant and detached from a leadership role, he knew she would be able to fulfill her duties just like he had, with a strong heart and mind.

 

As for the effect his death would have on other people, Erwin tried not to think about it, at least not on a personal level. They did not live in a world where personal feelings really mattered. At this point, every day was a fight for life.

 

He knew that deep down, Hanji understood this to be the truth of their world, but she openly resisted it much more than he did. For that, he admired her and was admittedly envious of her.

 

_But I guess it’s good that we’re different,_ Erwin realized as he sat in his prison cell, his right cheek pressed against the cool, damp wall. _Because if I was not the one sitting here, she would be instead, and this would all be a lot more chaotic._

 

Just as he closed his eyes, Erwin heard a noise on the far side of the dungeon; he could then hear footsteps headed his way. Slowly, he opened his eyes and turned his head as the footsteps came to a stop just outside of his cell. It was Nile, and in the dim light of the torches, his expression was near unreadable.

 

“What a mess you are,” Nile muttered under his breath. Erwin kept his eyes locked on the brick floor. “Weren’t you the one lecturing me before all this…?”

 

Slowly, Nile kneeled down next to him, his voice now more gentle.

 

“Your audience before the king has been decided,” he said. “From there, your punishment as well as the disbanding of the Survey Corps will be decreed.”

 

_If only it were that simple,_ Erwin thought, looking up at his childhood friend at last. _But the battle has only begun._

 

* * *

 

 

_I can’t do this. Erwin, I can’t. I can’t…_

 

Though many of her friends were natural-born leaders and incredibly talented strategists, Hanji knew that she was not one of them. Nile, Mike, Erwin, even Levi—they all had this special quality about them, something in their blood that made them able to throw aside their own personal wants and needs for the greater good.

 

But not Hanji. She was selfish, and she knew she was. She knew that she would never be able to change that part of her. Her want for knowledge was all-consuming, and her desires often caused her to set aside others for her own personal gain. However, most of the time, she did not do this on purpose.

 

Hanji knew that she was not the person to take over Erwin’s role as Commander. Those shoes were too big to fill—but more than this, she did not _want_ to take his place. Nobody could replace him, there was nobody who should _have_ to.

 

_You mean a lot more to this world than you realize_ , Hanji thought as she pulled herself up onto her horse’s saddle. Moblit was beside her, and Roy and Beaure were standing nearby. _Your allies and your enemies…all of them know that your life is more valuable than mine. That’s why…you can’t die yet, Erwin. You just can’t._

 

“Squad Leader! Look over there!” Moblit exclaimed, pointing past Hanji. She whipped her head around to see a crowd of people gathering toward a man in a Garrison uniform. He was holding a small stack of papers in his hands, and there was a satisfied smile on his face.

 

“No way…” Hanji breathed.

 

Though the man’s voice was a bit hard to hear through the clamor of the crowd, Hanji could make out the most important words: “king,” “convicted,” “Commander Smith,” and “released.”

 

“He did it!” Moblit cried.

 

“Erwin…” Hanji murmured, her head throbbing as tears pushed at her eyes.

 

“We have to let Captain Levi and the others know,” Moblit said quickly, putting his hand on Hanji’s shoulder. She turned back to him, nodding, unable to keep a smile from appearing on her face. “S-Squad Leader!? Are you cry—“

 

“I’m fine,” Hanji insisted, wiping her eyes. “You’re right—we have to bring this news to Levi and the others. Come on, let’s find Marlow and Hitch.”

 

“You go on ahead,” Moblit told her. “I’m going to grab a copy of the newsletter.” He gave her a large, cheerful grin; it had been a long time since she had seen him so happy. “We can keep it hung up somewhere in the Commander’s office, so we’ll never forget this moment.”

 

Hanji let out a laugh.

 

“We’ve lived through humanity’s first victory against the Titans, and now we’ve lived to see humanity’s first victory against itself,” she said. “I’m ready for round two, aren’t you?”

 

“Absolutely!”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, I'm almost done writing things. I promise;;;


	7. Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is their best chance to change the world.  
> This is also their last chance to save each other.  
> But they've run out of chances to turn back and run.  
> That opportunity left them a long, long time ago.

“At this point, I believe we are ready to proceed forward toward our original goal,” Erwin declared, looking around at the veteran soldiers sitting before him in the Survey Corps headquarters conference room. “The answers to many of our questions are locked away in the Jaeger’s basement. We have more evidence of this now, and our weapons and resources have drastically improved over the past three months.”

 

_Three months… I can hardly believe that much time has passed…_

 

It had been, to say the least, a huge adjustment for Erwin after returning from the Military Police’s trial that day. They had since then began a coup de tat, taken down both the fake king and the true king, and seated a fifteen year old on the throne. Historia Reiss was now the queen, and to both Erwin’s relief and surprise, she had done a good job of ruling so far. Her efforts had improved the lives of many—her angelic appearance and selfless actions had won her the hearts of many people. In conjunction with all of this, she had also rallied support for the Survey Corps, and between her actions and the newly-founded partnership with the Reeves Corporation, the Corps now had more income than ever.

 

Erwin had let Hanji have more than her fair share of it for research, and (not to his surprise) the investment had paid off. Within a couple of months, she had helped develop new technology for Garrison soldiers stationed on the walls to use in order to fight Titans. The device could kill the Titans in a single blow without the soldier ever having to take a step off of the wall. Combined with the effort of Eren Jaeger, the idea of taking back a broken wall was now more possible than ever. Eren had learned the hardening technique, and the next step was clear: they must go to Shiganshina and uncover the truth.

 

As to what this “truth” might be, Erwin had turned over several theories in his mind, but there was always one that stuck out to him more than the others, one that reminded him of his father’s words of warning. It explained Grisha Jaeger’s history as well, and the more Erwin mulled it over, the more it had started to make sense.

 

Now, they had reached the point of executing this plan, and while Erwin knew things might not end well for everyone involved, he also knew that, if his hypothesis proved to be true, their world would be changed forever, and his dream would be realized.

 

Or at least, one of his dreams.

 

Hanji had asked him what he thought might be in the basement of the Jaeger’s home, and he knew that she and the others were expecting a direct answer. This time, however, he would have to disappoint them.

 

“As of today, all preparations have been completed,” Erwin declared. “The operation to retake Wall Maria will commence two days from today. And, as for what lies in the basement…well, the only way to know is to go and see for ourselves. That’s why the Survey Corps exists, right?”

 

Erwin gave the group a gentle smile; he received one in turn from everyone but Levi.

 

Truth be told, Erwin’s intent was not to be deceitful. He would have loved to have let her in on his theory; now more than ever, he wanted a second opinion. But to let her in on this secret would be exposing her to more danger, and it would increase the risk of something harming her.

 

Hanji had to survive.

 

He did not want her to live just because he needed someone to take over the Survey Corps—he wanted her to live because she _deserved_ to live. She was still full of life, despite everything that they had been through. Her fighting spirit was still intact.

 

Their ever-changing world no longer had a place for a broken man like Erwin in it, but it had plenty of room for someone like Hanji Zoë.

 

As his subordinates filed out of the conference room one by one, Erwin listened in on their cheerful conversation. He was glad to know that they were feeling confident, even though many of them would likely die in this expedition.

 

“You used to admire Commander Shardis so much, though!” one of the veterans laughed.

 

“Shut up,” Hanji growled.

 

Such a simple, almost dull topic of conversation—and yet it made Erwin’s heart clench. In an instant, memories of his years in training flooded his mind: the late nights at Marie’s bar, the days off spent wandering around town, the early mornings spent in deep conversation while watching the sun rise… All of that was still so precious to him, which was exactly why he kept it locked away and hidden in the back of his mind. Otherwise, it would just become a distraction.

 

Those were such simple times, and now they were gone. But maybe, just maybe, their efforts on this mission would bring about another chance for that kind of life—even if it was not for Erwin Smith.

 

* * *

 

Leaning against the door frame, Hanji softly knocked on Erwin’s door.

 

“Erwin?” she murmured. “Are you still awake?”

 

“Come in,” Erwin said, his voice muffled through the door.

 

As quietly as she could, Hanji opened the wooden door and stepped inside Erwin’s room. The Commander was sitting on the edge of his bed, his left side facing her. Looking at him from this angle, there was no way to tell he was an amputee—but the evidence of his struggles was still written in his face. The glitter in his eyes that she had seen every day back in training was now gone.

 

“You should get some rest,” Erwin told her, smiling gently at her. She shrugged. “…What’s that?”

 

“This?” Hanji held up the small bottle of wine. “I thought we could have some tonight. Just a glass, to celebrate.”

 

“We can celebrate after we’ve come back safely.”

 

“Just one?”

 

Hanji could see the resistance in Erwin’s posture, and she could hear it in his voice. But she knew that it was just him putting on a face, as usual. He had been like this since their meeting yesterday, and now that the time for them to leave was drawing near, he was holing himself up in his room, isolating himself as he habitually did before a big expedition.

 

Normally, Hanji would not have pushed him out of his comfort zone. He was normally quite extroverted, and she knew that if he needed alone time, he _really_ needed it. But something was pushing her to interrupt his peace and quiet, and although she could not quite pinpoint what it was causing her to act like this, she knew it probably was based in the fear that this might be the last time she could spend time with him ever again.

 

“…You win,” Erwin said at last, a smile breaking the cold expression on his face. A grin spread across her own, and Hanji cheerfully walked over to the small table in the corner of Erwin’s room. “I guess you won’t let this end that easily, huh?”

 

“What do you mean by that?” Hanji asked as she popped the cork out.

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Erwin replied, standing and walking over to one of the chairs. “I don’t really know what I mean, either.”

 

_You’re afraid, too_ , Hanji realized, but she kept her lips pursed as she walked over to the small cabinet against the wall next to her. Pulling out their usual wine glasses, she sighed through her nose, trying to think of something to say.

 

“So you said that when we come back, we can celebrate, right?” she asked, turning around and grinning at Erwin. He let out a laugh through his nose. “Is that a yes? Because if so, I think the Military Police should have to pay for a party for us.”

 

“Nile would kill me,” Erwin chuckled.

 

“Well, I mean, it’s not like he wouldn’t be invited, too,” she said, snickering as she poured the wine. “He’s done his fair share to help us out lately, after all.”

 

“Yeah…you all have worked hard these past few months. I’m grateful.”

 

“…Why do you sound so sad about that?”

 

Erwin did not respond, and Hanji let out a loud sigh, adjusting her glasses.

 

“Do you remember the promise I made you?” she asked quietly, setting down the bottle with a soft thunk.

 

“Which one?” Erwin laughed. “You’ve promised me a lot of things over the years.”

 

“When we were in training, and you were about to graduate—“

 

“…About how you’d follow me until the end?”

 

“I will. I’m going to follow you until the end.” Hanji stared at Erwin, whose gaze was cast down at the table. “I trust you. I believe in you. And I…I know I’m not alone. We all need you. _You_ might say otherwise, but…”

 

“Hanji, there’s no use fighting the truth,” Erwin murmured, looking up at her. “I know that tomorrow might be the last—“

 

“I’ll fight as long as I have to!” Hanji shouted, interrupting Erwin and slamming her hand on the table. “As long as it takes to keep you here! I know it’s selfish, but so are you, so it shouldn’t matter—we need you! _I_ need you.”

 

Erwin was silent for a moment, then picked up the glass of wine and held it out toward Hanji.

 

“Then I’ll drink to that promise,” he told her. “Stay with me, Hanji—so we can keep an eye on all these kids.”

 

“Always,” Hanji whispered, clinking her glass against his. A small smile crossed her lips as she added, “Because you and I both know we can’t leave Levi on his own with them.”

 

“Definitely,” Erwin laughed, taking a drink of his wine. Hanji did the same, the sweet warmth spreading through her body. “…Thank you, Hanji.”

 

“…You don’t have to thank me,” she murmured, setting down the glass. “Like I said, I’m just being selfish.”

 

“Well, I’m glad that you’re selfish.” Hanji felt a hand pull at her wrist, and soon she found herself pressed against Erwin’s body. “Hanji, I—“

 

“Don’t say it. Just…don’t.”

 

“…All right.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooof, sorry this update took so long. But now I've moved and switched jobs, so it's all good! I'm about to finish writing this sucker (sob) so prepare yourself. If you can.


	8. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She said she would follow him until the end.  
> He thought the end was something he would decide.

It had been over five years since Erwin had last set foot in the Shiganshina district, and the town was nothing like how he remembered it. Sure, it had been less put together than the Sina districts, but to see it be such a mess was disconcerting. He could only imagine how Eren and his friends must feel looking at their hometown; it had been reduced to a wasteland.

 

But perhaps the most disconcerting part of all of this was how _quiet_ things were. There were no people, no screams or cries for help--just the sound of wires whizzing through the air as the Survey Corps climbed over Wall Maria into the empty town. No survivors remained, which did not come as a surprise. What surprised Erwin was that there were _no Titans._

 

“Hanji,” he murmured as the soldier landed beside him on top of the wall.

 

“I know,” she said, her voice trembling. “I don't have an explanation for you. It just doesn't make any sense.”

 

“...We must commence the operation regardless,” Erwin declared, raising his hand to signal his men. A few seconds later, a smoke signal shot into the morning sky, the yellow smoke curling into the clouds.

 

Several meters away, on his right side, a soldier leaped from the edge of the wall, his cloak billowing behind him. In a flash of light and a tremor that shook even the sturdy brick beneath Erwin's feet, Eren Jaeger disappeared, and in his place appeared a fifteen meter class Titan.

 

 _Hurry_ , Erwin thought, pursing his lips as the young man's Titan form ran through Shiganshina toward the main gate. Each footstep shook the earth, in sync with Erwin's pounding heart.

 

Eren was almost to the gate when a horrible, inhuman roar tore through the crisp morning air. The sound made Erwin's skin crawl with disgust, and before he could verbalize any thoughts or theories, he felt the wall begin to shake again, and there was an increasingly loud noise headed toward them, like a stampede.

 

“Titans!” Hanji shouted at the top of her lungs, pointing her sword toward where Eren had been running.

 

“Prepare for combat!” Erwin bellowed. “Get into formation and _FIGHT!_ ”

 

Erwin placed his hand on the trigger of his gear, ready to join his soldiers in the battle, when suddenly he felt a hand on his wrist.

 

“Don't,” Hanji hissed. Erwin glanced at her--her gaze was fixed forward, but her eyes were glassy. “Don't go down there.”

 

“I have to--we _both_ do,” Erwin told her. Slowly, reluctantly, Hanji's hand slipped off of his arm, her fingers curling into a clenched fist. “Let's go.”

 

“I love you.”

 

Erwin again glanced at Hanji. She was staring at her feet; it almost seemed as if he had just been hearing things. He would have dismissed the event had he not seen tears in her eyes.

 

“...I'm sorry, Hanji.”

 

Joining the Survey Corps had not been an easy decision for Erwin--it was not easy for anyone, really. He knew that he would have to give up a lot to join, and he would have to give up even more to survive. Hanji had been one of those things, and in the end, he knew it would be for the best. But, the idea that he had had to reduce someone that important to him down to something he could throw away was...disgusting? Pathetic? Cowardly? Unforgivable, without a doubt.

 

Erwin could not maneuver well on this gear with just one arm, but he managed to make it to the ground without injuring himself or anyone around him. Slowly, he walked across the chaotic battleground, watching as his fellow soldiers soared through the air toward the hoard of incoming Titans. Logically, he would have been better off, much safer if he had stayed on top of the wall. But up there, he was not useful. In fact, he was only useful for one thing now: live bait.

 

 _That's right--I'm ready_ , Erwin told himself as he picked up his pace, running toward a group of his men that were fighting a particularly lively Titan. _I've been ready for a while. It's time to put this old body to use one last time_.

 

By the time Erwin reached the soldiers, they had already taken down the Titan. Hanji was among them, and she was the only one to linger as the rest shot off toward their next target.

 

“Please go back,” she mouthed, but Erwin shook his head. “Erwin...!”

 

He had already turned away, running toward the next group of soldiers. The sound of Hanji's footsteps following behind him was clear, even above the chaos of the fighting around them.

 

Erwin took his chance--just as a Titan reached down to grab one of his soldiers, a new recruit with terrified eyes, he pushed her out of the way and took her place. The Titan's fingers closed around his body, leaving only his legs left to struggle.

 

Erwin Smith was prepared to die. He had been for a while. A long time ago, he had convinced himself that dying was what people lived to do in this cruel, repulsive world. He was too old to change it, he was set in his ways, and no amount of convincing could change him.

 

“ _Erwin_!”

 

Hanji's voice rang clearly through the air, and, as if by instinct, Erwin squirmed in the Titan's grip, turning his head to face her. She was standing still, as if paralyzed by shock, and the look in her eyes was so complex that even if he had been centimeters away from her, he still would not have been able to understand it.

 

But he did not have to. He did not _need_ to. Something in him, deep inside, just _knew_.

 

“Hanji...!” he breathed, his heart beginning to race as his body was encased in the warmth of the Titan's mouth. Suddenly, he was not so sure that this was the best way to do things. He was not sure that he had made the right decision after all.

 

Erwin was _afraid_.

 

But that fear was silence in an instant, and his consciousness soon disappeared into darkness, and then faded into a warm, welcoming light.

 

* * *

 

 

There was a powerful storm building up inside of Hanji, and the urge to scream was unbearable. She wanted to pull out her hair, to rip her skin away, to destroy herself--even if it meant that Erwin would not be able to come, she could not help herself.

 

But all she could do was drop to her knees, mouth agape, staring at the last remnant of the Commander: his head, spattered with his own blood, eyes wide and full of emotion.

 

This was the last thing Hanji had wanted for him. She understood that he was ready to die, she honored that death wish, but she knew he deserved a death better than this. He deserved the world, whether _he_ had thought so or not.

 

“Squad Leader!”

 

Moblit's voice sounded so distant that Hanji was sure he was kilometers away, staring down at this scene with that worried expression he always made when he looked at her. Levi would surely catch on to all of this soon, and then what? How was she supposed to explain this?

 

 _I promised you..._ Hanji thought as she peeled her goggles off of her face, wiping her eyes with her muddy, sweating, trembling hands. _But in the end...it means nothing..._

 

The ground shook beneath her, and Hanji quickly pulled her goggles back down over her eyes. Her vision was still blurred with tears, but she was agile enough to whirl around and slice off the fingers of another Titan that was reaching down toward them.

 

“Braus, Springer!” Hanji cried, her voice cracking. “You two take care of this one!”

 

“Got it!”

 

As the two young soldiers zoomed by her, Hanji spun back toward the first Titan. Its chest was stained with Erwin's blood, and its eyes were wide but dull, dead inside.

 

Once, a long time ago, Hanji had harbored an intense hatred for the Titans. After all, they had destroyed everything that she had held dear--her parents, her hometown, her freedom. But at some point along the way, she had become enamored with the monsters and wanted to know more about them. Her anger was buried, and an intense curiosity took its place.

 

But, in the end, that state of mind had only been a cover for those negative emotions. She had harped on Erwin and Levi so much about not being honest with themselves, but in reality, she was worse than both of them. Part of her humanity had been concealed, and for these past few years, she had only been acting the part of the mad scientist, when deep down, she was still so bitter and unsatisfied.

 

Now, after all this time, on this cursed day, as rain began to pour from the darkening clouds, Hanji was herself again. The anger had come back, and it was consuming her.

 

Running through the rain, Hanji stepped in front of Erwin's head, her blades drawn and ready to cut out the flesh of any moving creature that dared confront her.

 

 _I was so wrong_ , she thought as the Titan reached down toward her. She jumped onto his hand, slashing her blades cleanly through its wrist. The hand fell to the ground, and she hopped off of the now decaying flesh. _I became too forgiving, too gentle. This world...does not have room for that kind of shit right now. I should have...fought harder..._

 

Gritting her teeth, Hanji shot her hooks into the stunned Titan's shoulder and pulled herself right up to its face. Staring into its eyes, she let out a hoarse sob, her throat burning.

 

“We will destroy you,” she whispered, slicing the Titan across its large eyes. It let out a cry of pain as she then drove the dulled blades into its cheeks. She dropped herself down to the ground, landing clumsily in the mud. Seven meters was not such a long fall, but the moment her feet hit the earth again, Hanji felt exhausted and sluggish.

 

 _What..._? She gripped her empty handles tightly, staring down at Erwin's head again. _...So...this is what it feels like... I understand now. This is...what it felt like for you, too, didn't it...? I'm...sorry, Erwin._

 

A hand suddenly grabbed one of Hanji's legs, startling her out of her thoughts. She fumbled for her remaining blades, but as the Titan picked her up, the thin sheets of metal slipped out of their cases and fell back down to the rain-soaked ground. Even from upside-down, Hanji could see that the same Titan that had grabbed Erwin, the same Titan whose face she had destroyed, was holding her now.

 

Hanji could not scream--what was the point anymore? Why waste her energy any further?

 

But a shriek of pain did push its way through her throat and out from her lips as she felt the Titan's teeth sink into her abdomen. The pain did not last long, though, and she did not even feel her body hit the ground.

 

Her body numb, Hanji stared out at Shiganshina through the rain and mist. Something caught her attention in her peripherals--she had landed right next to Erwin's head again.

 

 _I'm...so sorry_... she thought as she struggled to will herself to move. She wanted to be able to see him one last time, even if it sent her into an eternal nightmare. Though, really, that would not have been that much different from their current world's reality.

 

“Hanji.”

 

Erwin's voice was warm, and when Hanji blinked, she could see a soft smile on his face. He held out his right hand toward her, his gaze gentle.

 

“Let's go,” he told her.

 

Slowly, Hanji slipped her hand into his. He pulled her to her feet, and gently he wrapped his arms around her. She closed her eyes, and instead of darkness, she was greeted with a warm, comforting light.


	9. Epilogue

“... … ...”

 

As much as he tried to come up with something to say, be it an insult or something more appropriate, Levi could not bring himself to speak. He was lucky to be conscious and thinking anyway--he was even more lucky to be alive. Nobody had to tell him to be grateful for this; he was, and he knew that he had been protected by some divine force that did not want him to die, because despite his strength and skill, there was hardly a soldier besides him that had come out unscathed.

 

That was not to say that there had been nothing but casualties. Many of his squad members survived, but most were injured in some way or another. Still, alive was alive. There was no reason that Levi should be ungrateful for that gift.

 

But he was not sure how the gift had been granted to him, yet taken from Erwin and Hanji.

 

They had not just _died_ \--they had been dismantled and nearly dehumanized. They did not look like soldiers anymore, just decorations on a bloodied battleground.

 

“...It...figures...” The words finally slipped from Levi's chapped lips as he stared down at the remnants of his friends.

 

 _...You guys did all the work...but you didn't bother to stick around to see how it ended,_ he thought as he knelt down in front of Erwin's head. The skin of the former Commander's eyelids was cold, and Levi had to look away as he gently shut the man's eyes. Hanji was next, and just as cold; both were already starting to shrivel, and Levi knew it was only a matter of time before they started to look like every other corpse.

 

Erwin's death admittedly came as less of a surprise to Levi--in their final meeting, there had been too many hints, and in that final private conversation, there were even more. Still, Levi had thought, had _hoped_ that Erwin would pull through anyway. He always seemed to be able to, despite being so driven to die. That was the one thing that they had had in common.

 

And, of course, if Erwin was going to go, _of course_ Hanji would follow him.

 

It only made sense. She had been tagging along with him for a long time, too long for her to change her ways now. Levi did not completely understand it, but he did not question it.

 

“Captain!”

 

At the sound of Mikasa's voice, Levi stood upright and turned to face the soldier. Her eyes caught sight of Erwin and Hanji, and she went a little slack-jawed, blinking quickly as if trying to dismiss the image.

 

“What?” Levi murmured, turning back to his friends.

 

“...This answered my question,” Mikasa replied. “Now...what do we do? There's no one to lead us back to Wall Rose--unless, maybe--”

 

“I'm not like them,” Levi interrupted, clenching his fists.

 

“...That's certainly true.” Mikasa's footsteps grew louder, and soon she was standing next to the Captain, fiddling with her scarf. “...They...really were like our family, weren't they...?”

 

“...Unfortunately.”

 

Turning on his heel, Levi began to walk away. Mikasa had said that one word, and his stomach had started to churn.

 

“Captain Levi!” Mikasa shouted after him.

 

“Find someone to help you load their remains,” Levi ordered, stopping for a moment. “Or, better yet, leave them there. They're...finally at peace now.”

 

Mikasa did not reply, so Levi started to walk again.

 

 _Things really didn't change, after all,_ he realized, pursing his lips. _We always just kept moving forward... And it's the same thing now._

 

* * *

 

 

Moblit's eyes were burning, his throat was tight, his stomach was aching, and his voice was hoarse.

 

But, somehow, he managed to stop his tears the moment they set out for Wall Rose again.

 

Hanji had once told him that he was a natural leader, much more suited for a leadership role than her. He had not agreed with her at the time, simply because there was no proof. On top of that, he saw no real reason to _try_ to prove it. Things were fine as they were--Hanji would be Erwin's successor, if it ever came down to that, and things would work themselves out.

 

But it never came down to that. In fact, that destiny of hers had only lasted mere minutes before moving on to its next victim. That person was Moblit.

 

At first, the idea of taking up position of Commander was terrifying to him. What kind of qualifications did he have? What made him any more able than Jean Kirschtein or Armin Arlert? Or even Levi, for that matter? Why did people seem so drawn to him? Why was he being dragged into this?

 

After all, there were no last wishes from Hanji, and Erwin had not named any other successors. Who was to say that Moblit should take charge?

 

 _Why am I doing this_? he asked himself as he gripped his reins tightly.

 

Actually, the answer was quite simple: he did not want to disappoint anyone.

 

There were so many soldiers that needed him now; the number of soldiers they would be bringing back injured was far greater than any other mission prior to this, but really, that was a blessing in disguise. It was better than bringing back piles of corpses. They still had a chance to survive.

 

And, if they had that chance, then someone ought to keep fighting for it. That was Moblit's sincere belief.

 

But, it was not just about the people still living that motivated him and influenced his decision.

 

Since joining the Survey Corps, Moblit had made many new friends, and he had lost them all, a few at a time, to various deaths. But, whether their deaths were by Titans or human hands, their spirits still lived on in the memories they had made with him. There were still promises left to keep, there were still wishes left ungranted. Moblit was alive, he was strong, and so it was now his duty to honor the dead.

 

Especially now that Erwin and Hanji were among their ranks.

 

Moblit glanced over his shoulder at Captain Levi riding nearby. The seasoned veteran's eyes were fixed straight ahead, but once he caught sight of Moblit's gaze, he glanced down at the cart beside him. It was full of corpses, but Erwin and Hanji were not among them.

 

No, they had been left behind. The plan was to transport the injured to safety and the corpses to their cremation, and then return to Shiganshina.

 

By the time of their return, Erwin and Hanji would probably be unrecognizable, but there was no way Moblit would be able to erase that scene from his mind, not ever. He would find them again, then bury them. He would give them the treatment he knew they deserved.

 

Without the two of them, this revolution would not have been possible. That much was obvious. But beyond that--without Erwin and Hanji, the Survey Corps never would have felt like _home_.

 

Moblit knew he was not alone. He knew the younger soldiers had looked up to Erwin or Hanji, or even both of them. The older soldiers had respected them so much that many went on to die for their sakes. Even soldiers of other regiments, even _townsfolk_ held the two veterans in high regard.

 

Losing them was losing family.

 

 _But I won't stop now_ , Moblit thought, clenching his jaw as he pushed his horse to run faster. _The end that you greeted for our sakes will become our new beginning. ...Thank you. Don't stop believing in us. We won't let you down._

 

 


End file.
